Only as soon as I sat on my office desk and opened my laptop did I realize that it was a Thursday. I woke up this morning pumping myself up for a long ass Monday and mind you, I was kind of excited. I took the day off yesterday. Entire days off for me are extremely rare. Not one day passes that I don’t get something work-related done. It’s an addiction. Most days I will have to literally drag myself out of the kitchen or office so I can stop working. You see, I’m incredibly and madly in love with my job. And just as any relationship goes, you always wish that you’re enough.
Yesterday I made a decision not to do anything work-related. I promised not to open my planner, not to open my laptop, not to touch anything work-related. This was right after my workaholic aunt blurted out, “rest, you deserve it”. So I let them drag me to the mall, went furniture shopping, just pretty much lazed around, had a nice takeout dinner, ran 5 kilometers, had a massage and when I was getting ready for bed I had this irritating fear/insecurity/guilt in my heart that won’t stop.
I started remembering where I wanted Cupcake Lab to be. I’ve already drawn in my head how far I want to take Cupcake Lab and the two stores I have right now is just warm-up. I started wondering if I was enough to make this “relationship” work. Am I skilled/smart/creative/persevering enough? It’s true what they say that it’s petrifying to dream so big as the road to take is longer and more difficult, and the pressure you put on yourself will be far greater than the pressure that’s gonna come from anyone else, but I was built this way. I was built to dream big. The fear of not being/doing enough for Cupcake Lab fuels me to want to be better than I was yesterday. It makes me want to perfect new recipes, build another store, be smart about my money, take classes to work on my skills, work day in and day out. I am absolutely in love with my work.
I woke up today and all I could think about was work. I don’t mean that at all in a bad way. I absolutely missed it. If I could only change my relationship status on facebook to validate this relationship I would. Right now I’m certain that I am not enough-there’s much to learn-but the idea that I eventually will be excites me.